I remember vividly in 2019 while studying at Ilam Fine Arts- when it was suggested that if I’m happy to ask subjects to pose for my portrait work- that I should be ok to do the same. I utterly hated the thought of being photographed by anyone, but it really did get me thinking.

As a portrait photographer it’s the very building blocks of the image that people show themselves to my camera. Week in and out I ask people to look here, move there, wear this or that, and I hold the power.

I came in hot to Fine Arts after a decade or more of commercial photography and in my late forties. With a brief and deadline fuelling the work I did to date (mostly), it was easy to forget or not even be aware that as the photographer the balance of power is never equal. After being made aware of the power play,  I’ve spent time to acknowledge the balance between subject and photographer more over time, and my first real self portrait, back in 2019 made me truly connect with the vulnerability a subject feels.

Hanging such personal portraits and the insights into what I hide in the ‘stage play of life’ at Ilam sparked all sorts of reactions from viewers. One student started to cry when she saw the images and the insight into my mental health struggles. Another who had experienced death recently was overwhelmed with how one of the images looked like I had passed. In reflection, it was the first piece of my artwork, where I witnessed people interacting with it on a truly emotional level, and seeing me.